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I am off today on a tour of the Ming Tombs and The Great Wall of China. I have arranged it through the Hotel’s Tour Desk, so nice and simple and less stressful than arranging my own transport.

Up and ready to fit a breakfast in, I tactically gather all of my breakfast together, before eating anything. Nothing disappeared while I was on the relay for the Pancakes. I could sense that I was on a mission as I was eating too quickly and kept looking at my watch. At 8am I was waiting at the Front Desk at the allotted time. The Tour Operator was to arrive in 10 minutes which he duly did and led me out to a Small Coach, also with two other ladies who were from the Philippines, one of them who now lives in California. We got on the bus and joined 3 other people, a delightful couple from Venezuela (Liliana and Guillermo) and a man from Mexico who spoke exceptional Spanish and English and was our interpreter and the fact man for our group. My Mexican man said that his mother was English and came from Leek in Staffordshire. The sun was shining and we were off. The Guide introduced himself as ‘Wong’ and did his best to position Beijing and what we were going to be doing.

The small coach gave us time to do some introductions and we shared the usual stories of ‘where travelled?, Beijing experiences and Hotels’.

The first drop was the Ming Tombs. These are the Mausoleums of past Emperors. We arrived and we had some early sharing of cameras to get some shots and the group was beginning to gel. Wong arranged the tickets and led us with intermittent commentary through the Gates. The entrance was just like all the buildings of the Forbidden City, even the numbers of dragons and designs. Not surprising that one was where they lived and one was where they were laid to rest. In those days they were not inspired by the latest world wide building designs from Dubai, New York or Seoul, even though the Tomb of Jun who we were visiting was a bit of an explorer.

Inside the Courtyard stood a standalone entrance gate, a castle-like building for the tomb entrance and a hillside just beyond. It was bad luck to walk through the ‘gate’ so we walked around it and the history was told of the ‘rights’ if walking on the central path. The Mausoleum would usually contain the dying Emperor, his wife and his favourite Concubine. Not so good for the Concubine who was sacrificed on his death.

We walked up and around the monument to the Emperor, the castle, and had a few views of the surrounding mountains, but no tombs. These aren’t open to the public as they are buried underground under the hillside. Wong pointed out that as the air quality was good today we could see 2 other Tombs, one to our left up in the Mountains and one way in the distance down a valley. I couldn’t help thinking that as a main Beijing tourist sight, that the absence of ‘a Tomb’ sort of weakened its attraction. A bit like going to an art gallery without paintings ??

The Filipino Lady wanted a Hat from a small shop in the Courtyard, as the Great Wall is a bit chillier but very sunny at the same time. This is the best low key haggling I have seen. A Fur Hat. “How Much?” asked her American friend, “800 Yuan!”, “I don’t have that much”. “600 Yuan!”, “I only have 120 Yuan” and was looking at other Hats too, but by this stage the Hat is sitting on her friends Head. “400 Yuan!”. “But I only have this much”, showing the notes and starts to walk away. Deal struck at 120 Yuan.

We wait to leave at the free standing Gate, where we have to chant in Chinese “I’ll be back” as you step over the ledge of the doorway. The ledge also prevents ghosts from passing through, so Wong says.

We are led back to the coach and given the introduction to our stop off shopping point, a Jade Factory, which is also the lunch venue. How convenient.

Remember, my Indian position, “I hate shopping!” Well that hadn’t changed. Nice to see all the Jade stuff, but…bring my lunch.

The Restaurant had two massive dining halls, all with circular tables and a party susi in the middle of each which was served with a number of dishes. It gave us all some more time to chat, which was good. A beer as well.

Then off to the Great Wall, this really is the main event, a Seven Wonders of the World thing. Now there are a few lists for Seven Wonders, The Original and mythical ones, the new ones, the new new ones etc etc. Whatever lists that are out there, the Great Wall of China has to be among them. Built over a 1400 years period and stretching 8,800 Kilometres it is really impressive. With an estimated 10 Million people who lost their lives building it.

We were directed to a Cable Car which would take us to a section of the wall from which we could walk for a couple of hours and the guide arranged for 6 tickets to get us up. After the usual ‘awe’ photos at the top, I thought we had agreed to meet at the same place at 2pm, so we went off in the same direction, amongst the hoards of Chinese people. The Walls are immense with steep inclines that hug the contours of the hills and mountains and go way out into the distance in a range of zig zag lines with staging turrets every couple of hundred metres or so. Lots of photos as a group with lots of sharing of photo opportunities etc. About an hour in, I lost sight of my party, but we had a rendezvous point and I aimed for that.

The Walls are amazing and to think this is all prepared by hand. It certainly was a defence line and also quite intimidating. It pushed back the Mongolians for centuries with a suggested Military Force of 1 Million soldiers manning the walls.

The walkways were polished stone from the centuries of users and probably massive amounts of tourists in the last 50 years. It was painful on the calf muscles on the way up and painful on your knees on the way down. But still old people and small children were making the pilgrimage.

Lots of photo’s. The air quality isn’t as clear and there is a general haze, but still spectacular.

I get back to the meeting point and find myself first, so take in more of the views. 2.10pm, 2.20pm, 2.30pm and no one has joined me…Let me check the point about 25 metres back?..no one. 2.40pm, 2.50pm, I was starting to contemplate going down and pinning a note on a metal pole, but at 3pm I made the decision to go just as about 100 Chinese tourist made the same decision too. We shuffled up an L shaped tunnel. The Cars held 6 people, unless you are Chinese and you just want to go only with your immediate family, so less efficiency. I have seen the same practice in European Ski resorts, but at least there the cable operators cuss at not making the most of the space. Interesting that in Delhi I saw 6 big men squeeze into the back of a Tuk Tuk built for 2.

At the bottom of the Cable Car I turn Left as I was told, but could not see the Guide our Mini Coach? I walk into the car park and I knocked on the windows of 2 similar looking cars. They just shook their heads. I walked back but there was nobody who could speak English. Luckily I had the Tour leaflet in my pocket and a telephone number scribbled on it for the tour operator. I hadn’t got my phone with me, lesson learned, so went to the Cable Ticket office and mimed to the girl if she could dial the number, and she did. She passed the phone and as I said “Hi, I am at the Great Wall” they knew exactly who I was. “Hold on I will call you back”, I tried to give her the feedback that it wasn’t my phone, but she hung up. I handed the phone back to the assistant through the glass window and tried to explain that they would return the call. In 2 minutes Wong was on the phone asking where I was and why I was late. I had a vision in my head of the true story of 2 scuba divers left out at sea.

“We waited, now we are gone, you have to get a bus”. At this point a Taxi driver who had been watching me came over and sensed what was going on and an opportunity. Wong continued, “you get the 919 bus as far as it goes then get a Subway train”. “How do I do that?”, He would call me back. We are about 80Km outside of Beijing. The Taxi driver says he will do it for 600 Yuan, I reach into my pocket and I have 500 available. He reluctantly says yes. Wong calls back and I tell him that a driver will take me back, I handed the phone to the Taxi driver. They argue over the price, but I think that the Taxi driver was complaining about Wong leaving a tourist behind. The phone is handed back to me, “he will take you to a Toll Gate and charge you 300 Yuan and I will meet you there”. Back on track I thought. We run across to his Taxi and he speeds off beeping all the way to get people out the way. He takes a series of back roads at high speed and I do not say a word to him as you need to focus when overtaking 2 large Coaches on a blind bend. It was break neck speed, but 20 minutes later he pulls up to the side of a Toll Road. He doesn’t want to go on it as he will be going off towards Beijing and that is not the plan. I gave him the leaflet with the office number and he transacts with them to get Wong’s mobile number. An exchange of ‘where are you?’ and a very heated discussion takes place. He quickly gets out the car and opens the back door for me and says, “he will be coming up there!” and points at a fence at the Toll Booth. Then in the next second I see Wong, running up the Toll Road. After his one way debrief that I was late he said “The car is 300 Metres down the toll road” and we start to walk. As we pass the toll cashier, she shouts to him that we can’t go down the toll road without a car. I know what’s going to happen.

We wait for the next toll user and beg a lift. The first turned Wong down. A second hesitantly agrees and we squeeze in for the 20 second ride. Onto the bus and apologies from me all around. They had waited for an hour and had been further delayed by the re-rendezvous. I explained the waiting at the top and they were waiting at the bottom. My Mexican friend was translating my conversation with Liliana and Guillermo. When I said that I was sorry to delay their shopping trip to the Silk Factory, they said that they didn’t go. I apologies again. “No, they said, we didn’t want to go shopping anyway” and Guillermo gave me a ‘High Five’ in celebration. They joked that I owed them dinner.

What an afternoon.

We made our way back and I was dropped off at the Hotel. I said I would try to make it to the Novotel Hotel that evening to do dinner at their superior buffet. After our farewells, I thought I need my iPad, NOW. And, I need a pint.

Earlier in the day I had sent an emailnto my Travel Agent back in the UK to request an earlier flight on Monday as I was due to get to the Hotel in Singapore at 2.00am which was a bit silly. I ordered the Pint of Beer and tried to locate her reply. “Postmaster Fail”. I am fairly technical, but this means that one or both of the emails that I had sent to my agent ‘Mary’ or the central office number had not worked. I was running out of time. I contacted Tom back in the UK by Instant Message to see if he could help, but at that point Mary’s email arrived and confirmed that there were earlier flights, but only one sensible one. Beijing was starting to become a challenge for me rather than a trip, so I asked Mary to look at cutting a day off Beijing and I will take the extra day in Singapore. Success! I downed my beer and asked for the Bill. Now remember what I had said of the Goldfish. The same girl asks for me to complete the same simple printed charge sheet, with Name, Room and Signature. So I give my First name Initial and Family Name. She goes off and returns and with the use of an iPhone type device types in a request in Chinese which translates to English and shows me the translation. I open my iPad application to get ready with a reply.

Waitress “Enter your registration name!”

Dave “This is my name!”

Waitress “Enter your registration name!”

Dave (writing ‘David’ after the name) and pointing “This is my name!”

She goes back to the cashier who has also been serving me for 4 days.

Automation out again. And not forgetting we are talking about One Pint of Local Beer. Waitress “Enter your registration name!”

This goes on for another 2 rounds and I am starting to use a few polite expressions about the Hotels ability to do business which is wasted as I didn’t type them into my translator. She wanders back to the Cashier then turns to me and say, “OK now”. OK now?, I hadn’t changed anything!

I had planned to go to the Novotel tonight with the hope of catching up with the Spanish speaking contingent so thought I should translate my apologetic excuses to read for them. As it was we didn’t catch up (I will tell you in a moment), but they will be able to see what I would have said and for the sake of my Anglo saxon friends and family the translation…

Mis sinceras disculpas por el retraso de su viaje a la fábrica de seda. (My sincere apologies for delaying your trip to the Silk Factory)

Yo echarle la culpa a la ignorancia de Inglaterra de la línea de fecha internacional (I blame it on England’s ignorance of the International Date Line)

Un perro chino se comió el pedazo de papel con mi tiempo de encuentro (A Chinese dog ate the piece of paper with my rendezvous time)

Tengo insolación (I have sun stroke)

Me encanta América del Sur (I love South America)

Pues más de lo (Well most of it)

Well to buy a few drinks tonight I need a bit of extra Yuan. I’ll change some Travellers Cheques at the Hotels Front Door Cashier. £200 is plenty so I have 4 x £50 cheques. I ask the question and I am led to the end of the desk which is the Hotel’s Cashiers area. I am told where to sign, really easy, as I have used £900 already in India, Hong Kong and Japan. I sign and I have my UK passport and also noting that I am a guest of 4 days, he checks it and smiles to himself and then says, No! He can’t speak much English so goes down to a more senior person for a double check. He utters something and the Clerk comes back. “No, can you try another one?”, Yes, no problem, I signed a second and he is joined by his colleague. This one isn’t acceptable either. I show them my passport which also has the Chinese Visa built in. My signature is not close enough. I said that the Hotel was making it very difficult for guests to do business with them. I signed a 3rd with a second signature on the back and even with my passport shown clearly they said they couldn’t accept it. The main man apologised, but said American Express have rules and we have management guidelines. I am getting to a stage where I think that I should have bought a goat and a few chickens with me to barter. “So do you have an ATM machine?”, he pointed to a corner behind me.

I went back to my room safe for my cards, but also called American Express for advice. They were really helpful. They told me that they expect signatures to vary and a resemblance is what they need and, where necessary, the Cashier can call Amex for an authorisation code, which in my case the Hotel didn’t do. I went back to the ATM machine and both my Visa Card and Master Card came back with an error of ‘No Overseas Cards Accepted’. My thought of leaving for Singapore was holding back a real rant.

The desk pointed me to another machine, which worked, but I thought, take less out as I will probably have difficulty exchanging any surplus back. I did go back to the Cashier to complain about the ATM as the two Filipino ladies were trying to change a 100 US dollar bill. Again the same cashier was doubting the validity of that as well.

With that said I headed out for the Novotel. After endless approaches by Call Girls who are everywhere irrespective of the Police being around and it being a highly populated street I gave up hope of finding the Novotel. My dining experience for the night was KFC. I headed back for the Hotel to put a cap on today and also to get my Singapore Hotel arranged.

Singapore all in hand, I have one last pint and a coffee and amazingly charged to my room at the first attempt. The Fish Bowl is empty now and it is approaching midnight so I decided to call it a day. From absolute Greatness and Awe, to awful all in one day. Night!